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34- MEN ARE THE PROTECTORS AND ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WOMEN, BECAUSE OF WHAT ALLAH FAVOURED OVER THE OTHERS, AND BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY SPEND OF THEIR MEANS.  THE RIGHTEOUS WOMEN ARE DEVOUT, GUARD WHAT SHOULD NOT BE SEEN OR KNOWN.  THOSE YOU FEAR THAT THEY WILL BEHAVE BADLY, ADVISE THEM, AND ABANDON THEM IN THE BEDS, AND HIT THEM. IF THEY OBEY YOU, DO NOT SEEK ANY MEANS TO HURT THEM, AND ALLAH IS THE HIGHEST AND SUPREME.

35- AND IF YOU FEAR THAT THERE WILL BE A BREAK UP BETWEEN THEM, THEN YOU APPOINT AN ARBITRATOR FROM HIS FAMILY AND AN ARBITRATOR FROM HER FAMILY.  IF THEY SEEK RECONCILIATION, ALLAH WILL CAUSE THEIR RECONCILIATION, AND ALLAH HAS FULL KNOWLEDGE OF EVERY THING AND IN COMMAND OF EVERY THING.

“MEN ARE THE PROTECTORS AND ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WOMEN”

Allah the Highest is commanding that men should protect their women and are financially responsible for them. 

-         Women can not marry without their guardian’s approval.

-         The keep of the wife is the responsibility of her husband.

-         What the wife spends in her house or her own money is a charity for her.

-         If the wife has property, her husband may look after it for his wife, but not take it over as a woman has total control of her finances and property.

The role of the man as protector for the woman whether she is a daughter or a wife or a sister, does not diminish the status of the woman in any way, but makes it obligatory for men to support her, and make her free to look after her family.

Men are used to all the difficulties and hardship of working to earn their living, and Allah the Highest endowed them with what it takes.  Women often work and contribute to the family finances.  Indeed, in a single parent family which has only the woman as the bread winner, the mother has to earn her and her family’s living, and bring up children as well,  which is very hard.

“THE RIGHTEOUS WOMEN ARE DEVOUT, GUARD WHAT SHOULD NOT BE SEEN OR KNOWN”

Here Allah the Highest is describing of the righteous women with two main characteristics:

1-    They are devout to Allah the Highest.  Also the righteous woman should be dedicated to her family and husband.

2-    They guard what should not be seen or known.  What does this mean?

There are parts of the Muslim woman’s body which should not be seen except by her husband.

There are parts of the woman’s wife, such as her intimate relationship with her husband, which should not be known to others, not even women.  It should not be the subject of light conversation or exchanging notes between women.  The same applies to men.

There is the privacy of the marital live and family life.  A woman should not complain to her families and friends if her husband is going through difficult time financially.  She should not tell them about the things which he husband does not like it to be known.  She should be the keeper of his secrets and he should be the keeper of her secrets.

A wife should obey her husband, but not if they tell them to do something evil or prohibited.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Those who command you to disobey Allah; do not obey them”.  (Ma: Jihad; 40 & A: 3; 67)

However, if a woman’s conduct needs to be corrected, Allah the Highest gives us the method, which should be in the following order:

1-    To advise them first.  This advice should be done gently and kingly.  It should not be insulting or derogatory, as people do not tend to listen when spoken to in an offending or derogatory way.

2-    The Next step is to abandon them in the bed.  Meaning not to approach them sexually, while still sharing the same bed.  The husband should be able to control his desires however.  Some scholars however think that it is allowed to abandon the bed.

3-    Then Hit them, if the above two approaches did not work and as a last resort.  This hitting should be very gently and does not hurt, that is to say that it should not be severe.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said in his ceremony on his last Hej: “Guard your selves from Allah’s displeasure concerning the women, for you have taking in trust from Allah and are allowed to approach them through Allah’s word.  They have a duty for you that they do not let into your home any one you dislike without your permission.  If they do that, you may hit them, not severely.  And you have a duty towards them, to provide for them, and cloth them in kindness”.  (M:Hej;147 & T:Redaa;11 & D:Manasek;56 & Ma:Nekah;3 & Da:Manasek;34 & A:5;73)

Allah the Highest definitely forbids the practice of hitting women like they used to do with slaves, whenever a man disagrees with his wife.  Allah’s messenger prayer and peace upon him said: “Why would one of you flog his wife like a slave then he may sleep with her at the end of the day”.  (B:Nekah;93 & N:Janah;49 & T:Tafseer Sorah 91)

“AND IF YOU FEAR THAT THERE WILL BE A BREAK UP BETWEEN THEM, THEN YOU APPOINT AN ARBITRATOR FROM HIS FAMILY AND AN ARBITRATOR FROM HER FAMILY.  IF THEY SEEK RECONCILIATION, ALLAH WILL CAUSE THEIR RECONCILIATION, AND ALLAH HAS FULL KNOWLEDGE OF EVERY THING AND IN COMMAND OF EVERY THING”.

Allah the Highest is telling us what to do if we the marital relationship becomes so bad, so that divorce is feared. 

Two arbitrators should be appointed, one from the man’s family and another from the woman’s family.  They should be people of wisdom and experience, who desire to make peace between the man and wife.  The Husband’s arbitrator should satisfy himself that the husband is not making his wife’s difficult so that she asks for divorce.  This was discussed earlier.

Both arbitrators should remember that they are acting on Allah’s command and instructions.  Allah the Highest promised that if all parties desire reconciliation, Allah’s help will be forthcoming.  If each party is just trying to incriminate the other and trying to get the best financial deal, they are on their own then.  Allah the Highest knows what we do and what is in our hearts.

B: Bukhari    M: Muslim     Mal: Malek    A: Ahmed   D: Abu Dawood     

Da: Daremy       Ma: Ibn Magah            N: Nesae          T: Termezi  

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